Stages

Hooray, I'm in the anger portion of my grieving.  The thing that is pissing me off?  I tried, SO MANY TIMES, to leave him before this.  For my own emotional health, yes, but also for his.  But he in his addiction wouldn't let me go, and so each time it was another several months of pain, fear, and anger.  Now that I've gotten him to back off enough to let me see what my problem was and I'm trying to deal with it, now that I've genuinely tried to make this work, he's done.

WHAT??????

The vengeance driven portion of my ego is screaming "NO!  Trick him into coming back so that you can do this to him!!"  And in the illusory world of 'fair' that makes sense.  But in the world that I live in, I have picked my own battles and this was one.  This is a battle I must fight to counteract my youthful panicked behaviors and decisions.  Apparently it just needed to be big enough, painful enough to make it seem worthwhile.  I'm looking forward to being the Artemis who can deal with my emotional problems before they get to be so huge I feel like I'm drowning.