I'm ready...

I've been having what amounted to safe little pseudo relationships for I don't know how long. Years, possibly a decade. Not that I wasn't ever invested in them. Far from it. But the only ones in which I let go of my heart were those that had a built in safety mechanism. Something that insured that they'd never go anywhere real.

Never have the possibility of hurting me in an unexpected way.

I never risked myself.

I've let at least one truly important relationship, my relationship with Sarge, slip through my fingers this way. If it ever could have been mine at all. And that isn't a regret, but it is a sorrow to me. I had someone in my life with whom I could actually see myself as happy, content, joyous, someone who could see the same in me, and I let them go for fear of the pain that might come, the loss, the lack of control.

I hope that he's happy now. I'm not pining (much.) I'm pretty sure that this was the best thing for him.

But where does this leave me? I'm ready to risk again, as terrifying as that is. But how do I get back on that path?